Love and relationships are two of the most complicated concepts to define. Lots of different events and circumstances can come into play, which can enhance, destroy, or confuse feelings of love and commitment.
Partners do not always have the same level of emotional connectedness, or the same sexual interests. A relationship can become unhealthy or even abusive.
When partners are committed to remaining together, all of these issues have to be addressed openly and honestly.
Your HHMP Doctor can refer you to an HHH Counsellor who can looks at the many other topics that can affect a love and/or sexual relationship.
Many of us want to build intense, close relationships with others. But while such personal relationships can be sources of enormous comfort, fun and support, equally they can also bring with them distress, despair, confusion and frustration at various times.
Though we all like to think our own relationship is unique and special, how it unfolds over time often resembles the way other similar relationships do. As it progresses and changes, differing levels of energy and attention are applied to a relationship at various stages by partners.
As those with experience in long, successful relationships will tell you, change and adaptation phases are very normal. Typical a first phase of intense early physical attraction subsides for many, often after the first year or two. After that point, ups and downs in enthusiasm for spending time with a partner and for being in a relationship generally, can come and go in phases. So too can changes in the extent of sexual attraction felt at particular times and the level of interest and energy each partner brings to the other’s needs.
Relationship problems also occur in fairly predictable ways, usually coming to crisis points when one or both partners are experiencing low relationship enthusiasm phases. Sometimes stressful external or personal issues experienced by either individual alone can cause a meltdown in relations. But other difficulties, like communication or support issues between partners, may also remain unresolved for too long, putting overwhelming stress on the relationship.
Common communication problems include one or more of the partners becoming too demanding in pushing communication. At the other extreme, withdrawing away from communication and refusing to negotiate, respond to or sometimes even acknowledge issues being raised can occur. The other partner in turn may perceive withdrawal as rejection or lack of concern.
One partner can become negative and start “tagging” the other partner’s behavior in communications as the cause. Tagging involves portraying a partner’s behaviour as problematic, but using only a label to explain, for example “aggravating” or “idiot”, rather than addressing the underlying issues causing the feelings. Being labeled with the tag in turn belittles the receiving partner’s self-esteem, causing them to respond with more negativity, withdraw further, or feel angry or hurt.
Other reasons for conflict can include poor problem solving skills in one or both partners; spending inadequate intimate time together and/or not having enough quality, shared experiences. Different expectations about the level of support available from the relationship can also be problematic.
Improving a relationship sometimes needs concerted work. Obtaining objective assistance to identify support needs, both as a unit and as individuals can help overcome issues and strengthen the partnership. Larger problems can be reduced to sets of smaller, more manageable ones that can be worked on more easily. If things seem insurmountable and you’re both considering pulling out completely, perhaps first consider getting some quality relationship coaching from an appropriately trained psychologist, to jointly examine whether things are more salvageable than you think.
